Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Dreaming...



I’m not totally myself these days… and there are times when even trying to discern where I am or where I live becomes but mere forgotten dreams. Sometimes, right after waking up, when I’m still in that limbo between sleep and consciousness my brain tries to remember where I am, and for a split second my heart is a meanderings of voyages and I can’t remember where I am, or where I live, which house I am sleeping in, what room, what place? 

It’s been quite an interesting journey for us this last year and a half and my soul is starting to feel like a bird in search of its nest after a storm… where to go hide from the world? Or find shelter? And be free and rest… really rest? 

I fly my own skies with a restless spirit... And I don’t even know what I want anymore. When I’m in the South, my soul dwells in the past and yearns for everything which once had constituted our life here in the North. Strangely, now that I’m here I have come to the realization that the life I once knew and loved is no more. Life reveals itself in a strange, unfamiliar way, and nothing is the same any more. The familiar, the customary and expected have a puzzling uncertainty to it and I find myself ridiculously yearning for the life we now have in the South… 

My soul is fractured—a strange loneliness taunted by the memories of a once ideal existence… but where? In a previous life? In a future one? 

I am comforted by the peace of the wild things…

The Peace of Wild Things
(By Wendell Berry)

When despair for the world grows in me 
and I wake in the night at the least sound 
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, 
I go and lie down where the wood drake 
rests in his beauty on the water, 
and the great heron feeds. 
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. 
I come into the presence of still water. 
And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. 
For a time I rest in the grace of the world, 
and am free.


9 comments:

  1. Cielo,
    I feel I know what you mean, I won't bore you with the details, but I left my home of 17yrs. behind, and I had that same kind of unsettled feeling. I truly believe that once you are moved into your cottage and you began to make it your own and your family comes to visit and you have new memories, then you will feel centered and at peace once more:) Life is ever evolving but it is good, just lean into your faith and smile, after all God has you in his hands!
    Blessings to you and yours,
    Teresa
    sugar, spice and whatever's nice

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    1. Thank you for your words Teresa... I have found true friendship here, and I'm always amazed at this.

      Cielo

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  2. After reading this post, with only a single picture, the first thing I thought was, how telling that you chose butterflies. Everything you say and are feeling speaks of transformation, both to you and your life. Mostly I feel to you. When I first found your site, I was drawn by the pictures of your beautiful garden. Then your words became as enchanting as the lovely roses. You have a way with words that bares your soul without giving everything away, always a little mystery remaining. I can imagine how hard it was to leave your life behind to start over in an unfamiliar place. That takes courage that most people do not possess. The familiar is safe. I think this next chapter is going to be filled with many happy surprises and there is still much more to learn about yourself. You have a natural instinct for guiding your life so don't be afraid, the best is coming for you. And if doubt creeps in, like it can, just remember you have so many friends that care about you and would be there to help if we could. Look above to your namesake, there is strength there when you need it.
    Sherry

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    1. Sherry... you know my heart so well, it amazes me... time after time, you amaze me. You are one of the few who have been able to decipher the secret writings of my heart... I truly appreciate you. Your words always, but always bring comfort. THANK YOU.

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  4. Cielo I'm so sorry that you are feeling a bit disoriented in your new location. It's not uncommon to feel that way when one leaves behind everything that is familiar. I've felt that way many times over the years after moving to a foreign country where I didn't know anyone except my husband. But you eventually learn to love your new location and your new friends as much as the old, and thankfully we live in an age where technology allows us to keep in touch with loved ones via chat and webcam which is the next best thing to being there! Things will begin to look better soon, they really will!

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    1. I appreciate your words... Thank you

      Cielo

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  5. I have been reading your blogs on and off for a year or so now and I just wanted to drop a little note and say thank you. When the world gets rough and dark sometimes it is such a balm for my soul to come and soak in the beauty you share.

    The white cottage is lovely now and I look forward to seeing what enchanted things you will do with it.

    By the way, what is that delightful song playing on the blog? It is so beautiful!

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  6. Thank you... Song: Mountain Luminary - Fairy Night Songs that allow one to enter a secret world of Celtic lore and mystery. Love it.

    Cielo

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