I've been entertaining some very
special people for the past few weeks and the woods are alive and magic is
afoot... the heat of summer is causing
us to plead for mercy, but even so, the garden is still the place where I dance
on the ripples of hours...
Zinnias as in full bloom...
And there's a mermaid living in our pond...
The goldfish are doing wonderful. They have adapted beautifully to their new environment. They remind me of little children running freely in the opened fields behind their country homes when I see how happy they are. Magic is felt everywhere. Flowing along the wind, some mysterious creatures have been seen lately and strange songs have been heard coming from the woods too... who sings? Oh I want to know... it leave no trace of wings in the air, that song.
The Elephant Ears bulbs I planted in late winter are popping up in the most unexpected places... have they decided to bloom in their own chosen place and perhaps have moved without me noticing it, or have I forgotten the exact location where I planted them? All the bug-infected and damaged roses of early spring have put up new, healthy leaves and now the pretties of buds painted in the color of a baby's room are embellishing healthy bushes everywhere...
I work the ground I entertain my guests and consider life, I plan a new project, a better project to work on, a new dream to bring to fruition, I try nurturing this old soul, I think I can handle life's stresses, I dream I cry I hope and go back and forth throughout my days and don't reach any destination. Life is a moving cloud hanging from God's fingers.
The other day, a very strange woman stood in the shadows just at the edge of the forest... a gypsy?
Look at your cards again, milady, and tell me if you still see these woods in my future?
My mother keeps asking the same questions over and over. She resembles the mother I once knew. But who's this woman now? I listen. I answer her again and again. My heart is filled with silent tears. I know what's coming: “You're so beautiful," said Alice . "I'm afraid of looking at you and not knowing who you are." "I think that even if you don't know who I am someday, you'll still know that I love you." "What if I see you, and I don't know that you're my daughter, and I don't know that you love me?" "Then, I'll tell you that I do, and you'll believe me.” (Lisa Genova, Still Alice )
And then there's my ageing father. Have you ever seen a man crying? No. Not just any man--your hero. Your father. A lost child before the impending future. I look up at the sky and feel certain that loneliness and helplessness are just a lie...
Oh, what's the word that's burning in my heart?
:)
ReplyDeleteOh Cielo. Creo que entendÃ...... y no tengo palabras.
ReplyDeleteCielo, watching our parents grow older and frail is such a difficult thing. My heart goes out to you. Rosemary xxx
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you Cielo. Seeing our parents change in what seems the flicker of an eye, is a harsh reality. The notion they will be young forever floats around the edges of your mind in what remains of the innocence of youth. My mother will be 88 soon and it is so hard to see her move so slowly and forget things. I send you wishes of strength to get through these hard times.
ReplyDeleteSherry
Cielo, we are taught all our lives to not question why of God. Frankly, when I went through the aging process of both my father and my mother I qustioned him daily. Why are we put here on earth only to grow old and die? I've been given numerous answers from clergy, friends, etc. That I won't go into now. It is a part of life that tests our faith and beliefs to the max. But each day..try so hard to cherish them even if you are not physically there with them. My heart feels for you. Please know we out here hear you and are here whenever you want to talk about this time of your life.
ReplyDelete💜💜 Just back from visiting my in-laws, who love me as their own. She with growing dementia, and he with a body in pain. I understand the circle of life. So thankful that they, at least, are loved and have family who care for them. Still, there is sorrow knowing change is coming. I know I will survive loss and enjoy the memories we made together. And, the circle will be complete.
ReplyDeleteThe question marks were hearts when I typed them in my previous comment.
ReplyDelete