Friday, November 3, 2017

The journey

Moving to a new home requires a lot of planning and organization, like turning off all of your utility services and such.  And thus, Tuesday was the day for that, and I have also forwarded our mail to our new address, and stopped our home security system.  For the last two weeks, I’ve been busy packing up, making more boxes, running back and forth from Home Depot, to the Goodwill donation center, and from the Goodwill back home… and on and on and on… Life is a circle.  It is a merry-go-round kind of a thing, and these days my soul has grown round too. Full with expectancy about the future, and of new promises and hopes.   I work, and as I work I think of my mother.  I think of her often throughout my day, and my heart cries in quieted waves.  I hear my father explaining how he finally was able to gathered strength to give away all of mom’s shoes; those that only a few months ago she was still wearing and walking in them, and my heart can only weep. She will not need them anymore.  And it is almost as if the tired eyes of the world were gently closing down; her head resting upon a pillow, ready to go to sleep…. 
Sometimes I have this deep urge to call her.  I want to just say hello, tell her something new, something old; share a new occurrence about my day, and my life... tell her I love her, what I've done and how it made me feel, but then I realize that she is not present anymore.  Although she is. And my little heart miss her terribly.  As my father takes her place in that aspect in my life now, I am learning to treasure him in a deeper, more meaningful way than ever.  My connection had always been with my mother, but throughout all these last years of her illness, my relationship with my father has matured in deeper ways; love have expanded, and tides strengthened.  He is essential in my life.  A rock.  An everlasting tree.   I have always thought of my father sort of ‘eternal’.  Unfailing.  Always there.   My little heart won’t dare think of him in any other way, other than forever by my side.  Why do we have to love so hard, and with such deep, strong love?  Love hurts.

The other day I read somewhere that energy cannot be created or destroyed, it merely changes form.  I believe that energy goes back to the Creator who gave it, and in Him is where I chose to keep my hopes... 

The other day, upon coming back home from Home Depot, my car wouldn’t start.  I noticed that the man parked beside me was ready to come ask if I needed help, but very politely he waited a little bit, until it was finally evident I was having car trouble.  He tried to help me as best as he could, then came another man, and yet another.  Three men stood by my car at one point trying to help me get my car started… until it finally did. I find this courteousness and gallantry of the southern men, amazing.  It is true that I had have a few unpleasant experiences in the past in the years we lived here in the south, but it is also true that for the most part, southerners are very courteous and friendly people.  The friendliest I’ve ever known, and that pleases my personality very much.  So, I felt compel to put a good word out there on their behalf.  If I’m ready to talk about the bad people, and their deeds, I will also praise the good ones too.  Plus, I count this incident as part of the occurrences transpired while living life here.  So here they'll stay.  I am leaving them here as a record, for whenever I want to turn the pages of my life back to those forgotten days of yesterday, and read again.

The Fisherman came home to our little white cottage on Wednesday.  And today, the packing crew came by… Ruben, and Eric did such a great job packing up all of my mirrors, art, lamps and delicate things.  They also took care of all of my plants and garden statuary.  All nicely packed up now.  After they left, we continued packing some more, and started patching up holes and retouching the paint on walls.       

Days around here have taken on the hues of pumpkins, and the air smells sweet and cottony fresh.  Around the edge of the woods the big leaves of the maple trees are piling up; toasted and desiccated and deep brown in color, and up the hills those sentinel of trees, protectors of our little white cottage, have changed their summers costumes into autumnal glories.  How did this happen? So fast trees change colors, it almost is like magic.  And I like to see them as some actors and actresses on a play, exiting through the main doors of Summer in the middle of that stage called “seasons”, ready to change costumes in a blink of an eye, just to amuse me…

So many things happening, such stressful days… behind and ahead.  My heart cannot find its rest.  I have so much I want to say and meditate upon… about people, about the way they process what they see, or read or think about... and, why would anyone take what I write so personally as to feel offended, when I don’t even know them, it scapes my imagination... really, it was never my intention to be judgmental or critical towards anyone who comes here.  I only come here to tell the story of my heart, the only way I know how… by feeling life.  And that’s it.

And thus, I’ve found myself in conflict, caught between the need to continue documenting my little life, or making my blog private to evade trouble. I guess I’ll make a “bargain with the devil” and continue writing and documenting our move and how I feel about things, and life… making my blog private will only mean giving a lot of myself away in order to placate a significant reader, and keep the peace.  But I owe it to my dear, long time readers to keep it public.  So, I will keep it public.

A huge thank you to all of you who inquired, and were concerned about my blog being switched to private. Maybe one day, I'll tell you the whole story behind it, and then again I will only talk about meeting my roses again and what I am doing to keep the memory of my dear little white cottage alive.

Please follow me as we say goodbye to our dear little white cottage and cross the country, back to that old house in the roses…

Love you all


  1. Your comments on your mom and dad have left me in tears. It is so, so hard to see our parents age and leave us.

    Also, I saw the notification that your blog had been made "private" I felt sad but certainly believe you have every right to do this. I would miss your blog, however, as you are one that writes from her soul and I feel a real connection with you and your thoughts and emotions. So, I'm glad I checked back again and was able to see this post and am glad you have reconsidered. Keep your head up high and remember all of us that do appreciate and care about you. Hugs. Joanie

  2. I had not seen it private. I would be so sad. I am so sorry about your mother.

  3. Was so thankful tonight when I tried once again to read your blog and There it was!Back
    again! I have read your blog from The House In The Roses to The Little White Cottage and am waiting to travel with you once again to your beloved House In The Roses. I am so so very sorry for your unpleasant experience from someone who hides behind their computer with hurtful intentions. There is NO ROOM for that here. Avid readers of your blog, myself included, have been blessed by your soul-filled blogs. I have laughed with you, cried with you, went on trips with you, watched you turn a house into a home, and most importantly prayed with you. that eye of the tiger and let us hear you ROAR! Jenny S.💜

  4. I also went to your blog today and seen it was made private...I felt really sad. I have read your blog for a long time back to when it was the house in the roses. I immediately went to the last post at it and was looking at all the bright colored photos that I really loved. I have missed that style you had since you came to your little white cottage. I have never commented much over the years but read your blog pretty regularly. I always am touched by your posts. I am sorry about your mother..I hope to continue to read your lovely posts that brings a smile and touches me each time I read it...take care.

  5. "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think," (Winnie the Pooh)
    ... and loved more than you'll ever know, Cielo.

  6. I have read your blog forever too. Rarely comment on blogs, but wanted to say I'm sorry for what your are going through with your Mom. My Mom passed almost a year and a half ago. She had Alzheimer's also. Although she remembered me right up to the end it was a terrible thing to watch and it was so hard to understand. I am so thankful she is at peace and no longer suffering. That being said, don't let some anyone ruin your fun with blogging. We all enjoy reading your blog and can't wait for the next chapter of your life to unfold. Many blessings and peace to you on your journey north!

  7. Oh thank you Dear One, for turning your main blog "back on."

    I know there are things, which "want to be" written, but which we also want to keep Private. For these, there can be a separate Private blog. I do it. While keeping my main blog, Open For All.

    I admit, I have not read your entire post, yet. I wanted to say Thank You, first.

    Warm gentle hugs, for the both of you, for these very few last days, in the South.

    Travel safely, to your beloved new/old home.

    Happy Full Grandmother Moon!

    Luna Crone

  8. Your blog is one of the highlights of my days. You have helped me rekindle my personal love of all things beautiful, colorful, light and bright!!! I was saddened to tears the day your blog wasn't there. What a wonderful surprise this morning as I decided to check one more time and you were back. You are an inspiration to so many and for that I thank you. Something we need more of in this very difficult world we live in.

  9. Ohhhh... Sounds as if, you had a 'Troll' come to your comments. With some kind of a nasty Comment. Ahhhhhh, now I see the reason, for your dip-into-Private-hood.

    One tip, if I may give it... Set your blog(s) up, with Comment Moderation Setting on. We all read all our Comments anyway. With Comment Mod on, we read all our Comments, before we Publish them. This allows us to weed out the "Troll" Comments. And not let them show up, in our blog Comments.

    I do it. Because now and then, I get "Selling SPAM." I have to do it. Many bloggers do it. Comment Moderation Setting, solves many problems.

    I know, some bloggers get upset, when they don't see their Comment post immediately. If they worry about TYPO's, they can simply Preview their Comment, before they send it.

    A thought.... A thought.... Once bitten and all that... We have to protect ourselves.

    Gentle hugs... Luna Crone

  10. I'm so very sorry to hear that your mother is so unwell Cielo. I can't even imagine your father's pain and grief to realize that his lifelong companion is slipping away from him. I just lost my father three weeks ago and my elderly stepmother has not dealt with it well. She has convinced herself that he is "away" on a trip and that he'll be back soon. It's the ones who are left behind that have to learn to cope and it's heartbreaking to see them so lost and confused. I came by the other day to read the comments (that's almost as fun as reading the blog itself lol) and I found it closed. I thought maybe you had started a new blog and since I have the links to all your other blogs I checked there and quickly found your new entry on Gypsy Dreams. I left you a comment there. That said, I am seriously so tired of all this PC stuff. It seems everyone wants to be offended by everything. Even by Halloween costumes of all things. I've stopped caring. While I do try not to offend folks, I can't waste my life worrying about who's going to be offended by what I unwittingly say or do. Life's too short. Un abrazo amiga!

  11. I am sorry about your Mother. Mine has been gone a very long time, but there are days I want to call her or buy something that I see she would love. I am glad you are keeping your blog open. I love to read it and see your beautiful pictures. If you do make it private you can invite those that you want and if you do I hope you remember me. You have given me inspiration to add a few things to my home that I would not have done before. Because I saw your Boho decorating a few years ago I now have a boho bedroom. Do not let one or a few run you off from public blogging. They are not worth it.

  12. So many of us love you and your blog, Cielo. I know that I would miss you terribly if I could not share in your life through your blog.
    I am sorry about your mama and her illness. I lost my parents ten years ago, and I miss them so much every single day.
    Love, Rosemary.
    Good luck with your move. I cannot wait for you to be settled again in your House in the roses.

  13. I'm sorry you had a nasty person on your blog...I agree with Luna Crone - set up your comments where you can moderate them before they're published. That way if someone leaves a nasty comment, you can mark it as spam or simply delete it before it goes on your blog.

    I'm also so sorry about your mom...what you wrote about your parents was beautiful.

    Thinking of you as you finish packing up and leaving your beautiful home. xoxo

  14. Wishing you good luck on your move! Please keep your blog public! I look forward to visiting your magical world each week. Sorry if someone has been unkind. Please remember they are a minority. Hope your house in the roses brings you peace and happiness as it did before!

  15. So glad to see you again. I have followed you since House in the Roses. Many blessings dear Cielo, your writing is inspirational. Love from me in England

  16. I have been away from blogging for a couple months and had lots of catching up to do the other day when I opened your blog and heard about your mother and your move back to the House in the Roses. My prayers go with you for peace as you make these huge changes.


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