2017 didn't start off well for any of us. My soul melts a little bit each day under the weight of uncertainty and the terrible illness that's eating away my beautiful mother's brain. A little bit of me, and a little bit of us all dies off with her everyday too.
I have always thought of myself a faulty spirit... too little too stun with life too un-centered, and rendered-speechless in the way of the world. And yet, somehow, I have come to realize these past few weeks that I am much more than what I think I am... strong, and wise, a mediator, a soother and a peacemaker. The calmness with which I've been able to respond to stressful situations has come to me in a way of a surprising revelation. Remaining calm under certain circumstances when everything falls to pieces or when panic strikes is not easy, but I've been gifted with graces beyond my reasoning these past weeks. I had also discovered that I can too move into a problem solving state of mind if needed be. That I can recognize the disaster and instead of reacting emotionally, fluidly engage my ability to critically think and logically process my way through. I have exceeded any of my humble expectations on this, and I am proud of my simple, vulnerable self... for all I've done. For all the good I have done for my loved ones on these stressful times and all I had accomplished under such high standards in such few days. There had been days this past weeks when I thought I walked with the entire Universe on my shoulders... and yet, somehow, I managed to ease frightful hearts by making it look that it was just a pair of wings instead. Life is a miracle, and she who walks it by faith will see great things done on her behalf.
I am back now at our dear, sweet nest... feeling a little calmer, a little happier, a little more like the-dreamer of a little girl I've always been, but a little bit stronger this time, and always treading on dreams, always carrying a hem-full of roses. I hear that it snowed around here for a few days while I was away, that temperatures got as low as 13 degrees and that birds missed me terribly.
I've been adding more art onto my eclectic gallery art wall, making some more canvases, more faces of Frida Kahlo, adding more faux flowers so they will not die. All the houseplants are doing wonderfully, and the geraniums are putting off new flowers. I finally got the wonderful, humongous DaVinci painting I've been eagerly waiting for and cannot be any more pleased with it, more in love. I still need to work on a suitable frame for it. Some thick, gold frame that's what I am envisioning. An old dresser sits in the garage awaiting to be painted. But it is still too cold for these endeavors, and it must wait. I really don't have a place to put such a big piece, but it is a lovely piece, and I want to paint it in a dark paint and tone it in gold. I have so much I want to do outside too, but that's another chapter in my everyday life. For now, I'm finding my peace decorating and enjoying my days inside our cozy home, journaling, writing, reading and watching my 'novelas', until the sun starts warming up my little world again.
I hope that you all are doing well,
and I hope that every beautiful thing around you, be turned into a thing of joy...
peace, and joy and birds to watch outside your window to you!