Tuesday, September 9, 2014


I am a one-winged butterfly dancing amidst the shadows of remorse.
I am the one to be blamed for the lonesomeness tapping at my heart
And the tear that smiles
And the wholesome, golden sun I could not see—self-induced blindness.

I am the Chrysalides of my own discontentment
And the light I chose to leave behind
I dreamed I chose I enamored Eros
And pushed him upon my wish  
I adorned my soul with the jewels of a reverie
But upon waking up I find myself still a beggar
Hungering after the pristine light that so warmly had glowed upon my yesterday

I am the culprit of my fractured self
A one-winged butterfly of a heart which does not know how to break free
And move on…

Well, what can I say… or think or feel?  And I’m so terribly regretting our decision to move… and so missing my girls.  And I would never be completely sure if perhaps I am really the one to be blamed for.  Am I lost?  My little heart feels lost… oh but I will fly.  I will… I must… I must! 

“She made herself stronger by fighting with the wind.”
―Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden


  1. I feel so bad that you are hurting. I know it must be so hard to see your beautiful daughter and those precious angels so rarely.
    I was worried you would pay the house in the roses a visit and that it would make you sad like last time, but this is much worse when your poor heart longs to be a part of the memories of the girls childhood in more than occasional visits.
    I wish there was something I could do to make it better.

  2. I so understand! So much happiness in being together. Then Boom! It is so suddenly lonely again. But you will fly. The distance between you will evaporate. Your girls, all of them, will learn how to be brave, sparkling, true... But oh, those sweet little years. I know. Do you skype? It helps my friend with a daughter in Japan!

  3. So so sorry for your sadness. I feel your pain. I have been there and I know so many mothers have. It's truly a pain only a mother can understand. But you will fly. And those little fairies will fly with you. Gayla made an excellent suggestion of communicating by Skype. Have had to keep in touch with my son by Skype when he has been overseas on business. No...It can never replace the real hugs but will fill your heart with some joy and maybe a smile or two each day. Sending peace for your heart your way today.

  4. Oh Cielo, me da tanta tristesa leer tus palabras en este dia. Estar lejos de nuestra familia es estremadamente dificil. No hay a quien culpar. La vida y el destino te han llevada a tu nuevo hogar por alguno razon que hoy dia no esta claro para ti pero con el tiempo Dios te dara la luz y razon por la cual te encuentras en este lugar.

    Perdona que no te he visitado recientemente pero acabamos de perder nuestro adorado perrito Niki. Hacido algo horrible y demasiado triste para nosotros . El era mas que un mascota. Era nuestra luz, energia y pequeno angelito.

    Te envio un abrazo muy grande desde aqui querida amiga.


  5. Sending happy thoughts your way. I have a hard time with my Granddaughter being gone for a few days and she just lives across town so I can imagine how you feel. I hope you get to visit them all again soon!


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