Friday, October 27, 2017

Ode to a little white cottage...

The little white cottage is cramped with boxes everywhere.  Boxes topping one another, boxes filling up hallways and rooms.  Some of the draperies have been taken down already, and every cupboard in the kitchen has been emptied out.  The house feels different.  Quiet, or quieter than usual, and it’s sending out messages to me.  When you walk through it, you can hear the little echoes of your footsteps going before and about you, and what’s left behind you is this peculiar feeling of emptiness, and melancholy cramming every dear space.  As if the very bones of the house were crying out to me. Is that what ghosts feel? 

  


But maybe… maybe is not the house sending out all those messages, but instead it is my soul already feeling the separation? Parting from this house, and having to give it away to strangers its painting the landscape of my heart in dark blues and shadowy colors.  Whatever it is, it is sad.  It is sad to say goodbye to this dear little place that has seen me blossomed through my days, as I myself has seen it coming to its full beauty through my love and labor since the day I arrived.  A place where I’ve lived many a happy day. 


 But the worse of all… it has to be the garden...  


I have been taking down every little thing, every ornament I had ever made, or found, and brought to the garden... all the little stories that go with them too, with every stone brought in, every pebble, every seed, and the walls look bared without them, and cold, and there’s a most noticeable loneliness, and disarray all around.  The air carry in its wings the sound of my name…







It is all part of the typical despondency of autumn, and autumnal days, I’m sure.  But this time it is more than that.  I am leaving behind some of the best years of my life.  The years I’d lived here, the people I have loved here, the memories I have made here, with love and tenderness and hope.  
  

A single, solitary butterfly followed me around today as I cleaned fountains and birdbath... 


I felt the strangest of kinship with her… as if she was a person I connected with… or someone I knew, or had known somewhere.  I guess this is what happens went you have to live alone for weeks and have enough time on your hands to really be aware of life… for that, I am thankful, and blessed.


My handyman Oscar came by last evening and fixed all things that needed be fixed… old drawers from old dressers that needed mending, loose nuts and bolts on chairs and tables and such.  Then he left and didn’t charge me a penny.   I insisted on paying him, but he wouldn’t take my money.  It was his way of repaying grace, and a gentle silent ‘thank you’ for our trust and generosity all these years.  I am going to miss my neighbors and those who have always said yes whenever I’d needed them.  I will have to find a new handyman at the house in the roses to help me around with all the things I need to do there, but I’m afraid it won’t be easy.

I am leaving all my pretty chandeliers to the new owner of our little white cottage, including the aqua ones I made… I remember the day I came home with the first one, the painting job, the baking of the delicate vases, then came the other one and dear old Manuel installing them.  How very happy I felt back then—joy running through my veins as evening came and lovely lights were turned on…

  
I remember painting the inside of the cabinets in the kitchen, and how I loved that color, and I remember, too, the day when the hardwood floors were installed in the dining room, and the day when the Home Depot guys came with the beautiful white granite and the countertops were finally installed, and I remember that night when, by 8:30pm my handyman was still working on the backsplash, so that I could be able to wake up the following day to a new, beautiful kitchen.  Little stories.  Little moments.  Little joys.  And can you believe this lady who’s buying our house is still insisting on keeping my curtains too?






The garden is going to miss me. This I know. Weeds are growing rampant, vines are dying away.  There will be so much to do come next spring!  Would it be taken care of, or would it fade away and become part of the woods, just as it was before I came?  Even the fishes… I will have to leave them behind.  Would the new owner’s dogs go splash in the pond, and scare them away, and would they trudge through flowerbeds and stomp on precious flowers?  Why do I care, or should I care?  I am going back to my garden.  My first love.  I shall bring it back to its full glory, and I shall plant another lilac tree, and my friends the mourning doves would come to say hi and welcome me home.

I can hardly wait.  The painters will start working on the house on November first, then will be the hardwood floors on our master bedroom… I have so much to do, so much to look forward to! So much to share with you!  But that’s for another post.  For now, I’ll be content with what I have and what I’ve been blessed with and all I have to do… one day at a time.

Love you all!

  


23 comments:

  1. It will be such fun to see you bring back to life The House In The Roses. I'm sure it will be magical.

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    1. Oh I so hope so! At least I know magic is brewing inside my soul! ;)

      Hugs

      Cielo

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  2. I am watching every day for a new post...a new letter with news from you. I love to follow you through your beautiful days. Thank you for sharing. Please let us be part of the remake of the House in the Roses...better than before. Hugs to you!

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    1. Thank you for following me, Sandy! And of course you'll be part of it all! You, my readers and dear bloggy friends will come and travel with me... you'll be the fairies that will guide the way around me... ;)

      Hugs

      Cielo

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  3. This time you are going through, with all its varied emotions, is healthy. It is wise. It is needed. You have to go through the Parting. And come to terms with it. In order to allow yourself to fully drift into your new life. In your new-yet-old home, again.

    You would not be normal, if it was not difficult. A passage. I don't think passages are "supposed" to be easy. -smile- And perhaps it is best, that you are going through it, alone. Able to completely give yourself over, to whatever emotion, is passing through you, each time one does. No need to hide anything, for fear a loved one will think you truly unhappy.

    Your unhappiness, is yours alone. As is your coming up out of any waves of unhappiness. You can own all your emotions.

    "I can hardly wait." And see, already you are anxious to begin again!!! Already anticipation has (nearly) vanquished sadness.

    And oh I have so many questions, about your coming weeks!!!!! -smile- Today is Oct. 28th. When will you and all the "boxes" take your trip? Will you be living in The House In The Roses, while it is being "re-done"? Will you need to live elsewhere, while messy works is being done? When do they say they will be finished? When can you really look around, and envision your decor, for your return? Etc. Etc. Etc. Sorry but I am a nosy Crone! >,-)

    And! And! And!!!! What will be the name of your new Home In Blog Land? Please, please, please...? Do you have a name yet???????? Or not yet? Or are you waiting, till you walk into The House In The Roses again, to be inspired?

    I must stop! Or I will over-load my welcome here. -smile-

    Make jewels of your last days here. Remember the lovely times. Look forward to a whole new chapter. New... But coming home again...

    Gentle hugs,
    Luna Crone

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    1. You're so right, and so wise, and you have a young, mischievous spirit and you are a heart reader… I have to totally agree with you. It is so much nicer to be able to process all this transition alone. Without nobody to tell me what to do and when to do it or why this and why that… able to completely give myself over to whatever emotion is entertaining my soul at the moment… so much nicer being able to get rid of whatever I want without anyone complaining too! Haha! I do miss the Fisherman, but I love being by myself sometimes…

      Now, to answer your questions: My husband will arrive on the 1st of Nov., we will finalize all packaging, retouching wall paints, cleaning, etc. The moving company will be taking away our stuff on the 5th, we’ll sign house papers on the 6th and I’ll fly home on the 7th. My husband will drive my truck home. He’ll get there around the 10th or so. In the meantime, I think I mentioned that our little white cottage is sending messages to me… thus, I will have to call a Plummer first thing tomorrow morning and pay the bill… all of our toilets are protesting, throwing up water and more… yuck… what to do? I’ve already packed away every towel in the house, sooooo I will have to deal with the disgusting flood… why why why….! OK, but you didn’t ask about that, right? I just had to share it with someone… lol

      About the house in the roses, the painting job will be done without me being there. The painters will enter the house on the 1st and do their job. The floors will be done a few days later. I won’t be there either. I’ll go, and just be surprised with all the changes…

      Now, for my new blog… I’ve been debating on a new name for a while, but haven’t come up with nothing definitely. On my next post I will ask my readers for their input… it sounds like fun!

      Thank you for being here!

      Cielo

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    2. Thank you for the answers to my questions.

      Oh I am so sorry, that the little white house is protesting your leaving. Oh mercy. It does seem so, doesn't it? Oh my.

      Are there any words, to say to it, to let it know you are not abandoning it? And that you hope its new owners will care well for it?

      I am quite amazed, at this happening now. Well, not totally amazed. You live in a different 'world', which I am so happy, you share with us. And in that world, many amazing things happen. And it seems, they are not all part of a lovely and lively imagination. Unexplainable things do happen. Interesting... So interesting...

      I'm sorry for the little white house. But it will manage. And just think how happy your House In The Roses will be!!!!! When you return to it!!!! :-)))))))

      Gentle hugs, for the busy time ahead!!!
      Luna Crone

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  4. I so look forward to your posts. Saying good-bye to my garden would be the hardest thing for me. I understand how sad that must feel. I am just glad you are going to have a garden to look forward to and not just any garden. Love, Rosemary

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    1. Yes, me too... at least I won't have to start a garden from nothing, like I did here. It's already there. I just had to bring it to back and learn to love it again...

      Hugs

      Cielo

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    1. I know I know... you're so right... still...


      Cielo

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    3. why did you deleted your comment? I love every word and comment left here... they are part of my little life... ;) Thank you for taking the time to come by and leave me little notes of love...

      Hugs

      Cielo

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  6. This is such a bittersweet post. On the one hand it's sad to watch as you prepare to leave the little white cottage forever. Many of us remember when you first moved there and renovated your kitchen, putting in the backsplash and the new countertops. We also recall when one of the cupboard doors was accidentally damaged and you had to order a new one and wait for it to arrive. We've watched the metamorphosis of your bedroom and your living room over these several years. And that adorable painted lamp, I actually saved some of your photos of it because I wanted to try that oven baked paint technique that you used. On the other hand there is the excitement of your move back to the house in the roses and a whole new renovation ahead which we look forward to following as well. So yes, there is nostalgia and excitement all at the same time.

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    1. Oh... sadness in my bones when I read your post, as you brought me back to some more memories, and I, too, was remembering the other day about those glass doors, the waiting, the long days waiting to see it arrive and then the installing of it. The joy. And oh, do you remember that day I saw those twin kitties by the pond? It was like magic! I truly thought this place was enchanted. When I turned my head, there they were. They were the first cats I ever saw around here, and they were small, and identical and I so wanted them. I never saw them again. Yes, so many memories and happy days. I will truly miss this place.

      Gracias mi amiga! Un abrazo

      Cielo

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  7. Espero ver pronto la evolucion de tu nueva casa estoy segura que seras muy feliz en ella lo que dejas sera parte de tu pasado que recordaras con mas calma soy una gran seguidora de tu blog me gusta leer tus publicaviones porque me trasmiten mucha paz un beso desde España

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    1. Qué lindo pensamiento... "lo que dejas será parte de tu pasado". Así lo considero. Me trae paz.

      Gracias por pasar por aqui...

      Cielo

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  8. I wish you much joy as you return to your House in the Roses. Thank you for all beauty you have shared with us.

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